June 3, 2009

Dear Street Carnage re. My Ceiling Fan

Filed under: Comedy,Uncategorized — daz76 @ 3:58 am

Dear Street Carnage,

I was just looking at the ceiling fan in my living room and I was like, “WoooOOOOoow”.

My ceiling fan

My ceiling fan

I never use it! I’m one of those people who gets bothered by the sound and repetitive swirling shadows associated with ceiling fans. The one I have (Oh shit I have two, there’s also one in the bedroom) just hangs out really, doesn’t even act as a light source. I took the bulb out so I wouldn’t smash it on my head when I dance around to EPMD or Dread Zeppelin. The fan I’m talking about is sort of golden bronze, pretty rusty and the blades are brown wood with that bamboo mesh type business you often see in ceiling fan blades.

But the deal with the fan is that a few months ago I remember putting a few empty beer cans on the blades and gently pushing the blades so the beer cans were swirling around in the air, you should have seen it! That was fucking awesome! I think I left the cans up there for a few days. I told this girl I know that I did that and she got kind of stuck up about it, as if my apartment cares about interior design. Plus it was funny.

To be honest I’d like to just remove the fan and have the negative space, let the coveted third floor 80’s style ghetto apartment vaulted ceilingness shine on through. I guess I keep it because it’s a fun looking thing in a Shakey’s Pizza sort of way, cue banjo music, and besides, I don’t really know how to take it down.

That’s pretty much it, I think I already told you about when I put the Lego Star Wars ships up there. Those things were up forever! I remember every now and then I’d see them out of the corner of my eye (because after a while the stuff up there on the blades kind of becomes invisible, like arm tattoos, not!) and I’d take a little Star Wars moment. Good times, good times.

All that aside I’m doing well, probably going to start looking at the fan in the bedroom soon. Not that I’m going to bed!  I’m just going to check it out for a min, see what’s what. Oh yeah – I was going to say – What if everything went upside down? Say a shift in gravity occurs and we all actually do what Lionel Ritchie did all those years ago on video. If gravity was upside down we would have these crazy swirling blades in the center of the floors all over town! It’s sort of funny to me because I have my wits, but kids and the elderly would be fucked. I know you guys are not Vice, all conscientious and shit so I don’t mean to get political, just a heads up.

Aight, check you later, stay cool my mangonians. Let me know if you guys want to catch a movie or whatever, I just got laid off at the insane asylum so I have some free time.

Cheers from Austin,



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